Author Archives: theecoolgeek

The Complete Guide to #BlackBaltimoreTwitter

Untitled-1

First up, the Public Service Tweeters:

Respect goes to this group, they work hard to keep us informed of local happy hours, parties, companies, boutiques, shoe releases, speed traps and everything else important in the city. Personally, I wouldn’t tell ya’ll a damn thing but the masses must be informed.

The 9 to 5 Tweeters:

Mostly made up of people with desk jobs, 9 to 5 tweeters are only interested in #BlackBaltimoreTwitter while they’re at work and couldn’t tell you anything else about their TL after work hours because their life is much more exciting once they log off.

Itinerary Tweeters:

I’m breathing, driving, workflow, lunch flow, break time, snack time. We get it, but we don’t care dawg, you’re satisfying basic human needs.

Kitchen Tweeters:

Females who tweet during sporting events who have no clue whats going on. They just wanna fit in. Example (Why is my TL so pumped, did Flacco hit a home run or something) Please log off, back away from the phone, enter the kitchen, make a sandwich.

Bandwagon Tweeters:

A.K.A. One Nation Under Melo A.K.A. Been A Clippers Fans Since Day One A.K.A. I know every athlete coming out of Bmore A.K.A. The Heat Been My Team Since Rony Seikaly    F***. OUTTA. HERE.

I get it, there’s a lot of loyal fans out there but let’s be real. It’s “cool” be associated with what the majority of twitter says is “cool”.

Hypebeast Tweeters:

Whatever the trend, event, or release is, it’s bound to be killed by these tweeters. They are responsible for the untimely passing of Sneaker Releases, Hookah, Wine in the Woods, Chipotle, and Rita’s Italian Ice.

The Cool or Well-Rounded Tweeters:

Essential to #BlackBaltimoreTweeter, these tweeters know a little bit about a lot of things, provide timely comedic tweets, distribute public service tweets, while contributing to the slander, fun, and productive days on twitter. They refrain from twitter beef as they realize that either they’re too old for twitter beef, or realize that internet thuggin’ is pointless.

Humble Tweeters:

They stay in their lane, everyday is a good day, and every tweet is a positive tweet. They want no trouble.

Un-Humble Tweeters:

The Dame Dash (94-04) of tweeters, they possess no traces of chill.  They talk their sh!t as long as someone’s willing to RT them. It’s only effective when the tweeters claims are substantiated.

Remedial Tweeters:

Nothing grinds my gears worse than ya’ll Rev. Run holier than thou, good morning inspiration tweets and you hit “send tweet” before “spell check” but i’m suppose to take you seriously huh sugarfoot? FOH.

Single Black Female Tweeters:

We all follow about 400 of them, they male-bashing in the daytime, yet thirst-trapping by nightfall.

The MLK Tweeters:

Tough Tonya or Tommy with the 140 characters, these tweeters preach peace, love, and harmony when faced with a fade request online, or in-person.

Soooooooo, that’s it. Our Twitter Utopia, where the only way out is to create another twitter page and join #WhiteColumbiaTwitter but isn’t it just best to #TweetThroughIt

Advertisements

Love vs. Money

So by now, you all may have heard the details of Tiger Woods and his soon to be ex-wife Elin’s divorce. Its hard to believe that the ex-nanny will recieve between $750-$833 million from her marriage to Woods from doing exactly what??? Even if the roles were reversed I still wouldn’t agree with this settlement.

For our readers, how much does love cost nowadays? Is there a such thing now as genuine love? Is money the end-all be-all in a relationship?

The Friend Zone

The Friend Zone…….where potential relationships go to die when you’re labeled with the six letter word “Friend” But tell me people……What does this zone look like???

Hip Hop Honors

VH1’s 2010 edition of the hip hop honors was pretty good in my opinion, we’ll cover the errors later, but the honorees…..Master P, Luke Campbell and 2 Live Crew, Organized Noise, Timbaland, and J. Prince were justified. Outkast definitely should’ve been honored as well as Ludacris for putting ATL on the map commercially but I digress.

The No Limit Tribute was up there as the top performance of the night as Mystikal and Silkk the Shocker crawled from underneath their rocks to perform. The timbaland tribute was decent, hot songs but so-so performance.

I had an issue with Drake rapping Pimp C’s verse simply because it was Drake. It’s like John Wall introducing John Stockton into the Basketball Hall of Fame it just shouldn’t be done.

The correctional officer of the year William Roberts a.k.a. Rick Ross didn’t interest me at all nor did the roadkill he had on his back. I know there was more that went on but my phone’s dying lol.

However, we’re beginning to run out of legendary performers to honor and i can’t help but wonder if the 2020 hip hop honors will pay tribute to……. Gucci , Waka Flocka, Lil B, Drake and Drake’s Eyebrows, Brandy’s Lacefront, Romeo, Bow-Wow, The New Boyz or any other group the kids nowadays deem “legendary”

Broke Phi Broke’s Newest Inductee

Money and Black America go hand in hand, the easier its earned, the better. The faster its blown, the worse. Our newest Broke Phi Broke inductee…….New York Knicks Forward/Center Eddy Curry.

Curry earned 12-13 million over this past season but that didn’t stop him from taking out a loan with 87% interest tacked on in order to satisfy his financial obligations to his 12 cars, baby mothers, his crew and other excess expenses. Careers don’t last forever but money can if you take care of it.

Broke Phi Broke welcomes Eddy Curry to the broke brotherhood.

The Baltimore Bullets

As I watch the LeBron-less conference finals, I can’t help but to imagine that same type of playoff atmosphere if Baltimore had an NBA franchise. Gone are the days of the Bullets playing a handful of games at the ancient Baltimore Arena. I wonder if there’s a stigma against the city in the eyes of David Stern. I know there’s alot of politics involved in order to secure a team but I think its time the charm city sweet talk Stern into bringing a team to Baltimore.